One year later

One year ago today, Clifford George Jackson passed away. Someone said to me that today must be really sad for me. It so strange but while I miss Cliffy and have missed him everyday, when I think of him I just can't be sad.

There are just too many good memories, and when I think of him I can't help but smile! What a large legacy for a small dog! Even in his absence he can make me smile!

Witnessing Clifford's death was one of the hardest things I have done, and it still hurts when I think about the details. But his death does not define his life. Once again Cliff teaches me about life!

Since his passing I have adopted another dog, Bertram Tobias Jackson, aka Bert or Bertie. He is also a rescue dog. He is almost nine years old and bears the physical and emotional scars of being burned. He has made exceptional progress and with his scarred ears and his coat that will never grow back over most of his back, his spirit has grown.

Cliff showed me that you can trust after you have been hurt, Bertie reminds me of this too, and he shows me that our physical bodies are merely vessels in which our hearts and our souls reside. True beauty radiates from within. This little dog has brought me healing and happiness and once again I wonder who has rescued who. Bert may have many scars, but when I look at him I see beauty, courage, strength, forgiveness, and hope - I see perfection!

To Cliffy and all my beloved pets who are no longer here, continue to play in those Elysian fields until we meet again.

Final post

Hello to all of Clifford's friends,

At 7:30pm tonight, July 13, 2010, Clifford George Jackson moved from this world into the next. I was honored to be at his side during this process and with his permission I am honored to write this, the final post on his blog.

On many of his earlier posts, Cliffy had indicated that his life had not always been good but he never quite told the whole story. Part of this was because he didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want to be stereotyped as "broken" or "damaged". And yet when he arrived in my home and in my life he was broken and damaged. Cliffy's owner passed away and his owner's wife took him to the animal shelter to be euthanized. Fortunately the Schnauzer Rescue, Cincinnati, found him and asked me to foster him and adopt him. When he arrived, he was terrified of everything.

It took months of love and encouragement, especially from Mikey, the wonderful, exuberant rescue Schnauzer and his new brother. Slowly we started to see Cliffy emerge and were delighted to meet this wonderful, loving dog, who was quiet, gentle and funny! We settled into a wonderful life of fun and love. Last year in October we had a setback when Mikey very suddenly passed away. Cliffy was devastated, but slowly he started to enjoy being the only dog and getting all the attention. His fabulous personality that you have all come to know, came out in full force. I loved watching this metamorphosis. I loved seeing Cliff enjoying life and commanding attention.

As you know over the past few months Cliffy has been showing his age. He had lost his hearing and most of his vision and his strength was starting to diminish, but he was still CLIFFY. This weekend that changed. Another bout of pancreatitis flared up and after trying to keep him comfortable at home I finally had to take him to the vet. He had one seizure last night and five seizures this morning. I went to visit him at lunchtime today and he was in a great deal of pain, despite being on pain medication. This evening I went to see him. He had another seizure. I have never seen him in so much pain and distress. It was time to let him go.

From the moment Clifford came into my life I knew we were on borrowed time and I knew that every moment we had together was something to be cherished. Tonight that time came to an end, and I am extraordinarily sad. This little dog, who had endured so much, has taught me so much. I was in awe of him for being willing to trust me after all the bad things that humans had done to him before. It was a valuable and necessary lesson for me to learn. His dignity in the face of his physical challenges was incredible and I will carry that lesson with me as I face challenges of my own.

In his life Cliffy has experienced a great deal of pain. Today it was physical pain. but it has been a different kind of pain he has experience before. But I realized tonight that as awful as pain is, and as much as it can dominate one's life, it eventually ends. Maybe relief comes from medication or recovery or perhaps even the final release as was the case tonight. So pain, and probably most other things are temporary. What is enduring and constant is love. Not the love that binds one to another, but the perfect kind of love that holds you when you need to be held and lets you go gently when it is time to go. Its not easy to find this kind of love. As humans we want to to possess and own the things we love. Our dogs and other animals teach us more about this kind of true love. They love us without expectation and when we often don't deserve to be loved. They allow us to be more vulnerable than we would dare to be with another human. They live in the moment and we can try to learn that from them.

Maybe because he came into my life late in his life, I never felt like I "owned" Cliff. I knew what I needed to do was to love him and that would be enough. And I think that is probably always enough. So, tonight I am here with Olive. Very out of character, Olive is sitting next to me. There is no doubt that she knows Cliffy has gone. We are both sad and there will be little to console us until we get used to this new reality.

Clifford George Jackson came into my life on March 28 2008. I will cherish every memory I have of him. I could not have loved him more, I think I loved him enough for several lifetimes.

My deepest gratitude goes to the Schnauzer Rescue, Cincinnati for giving me the privilege of caring for Clifford for the last part of his life, also to all of you who have shared his stories, and mostly to Clifford George Jackson, for sharing his life with me.

The Human of Clifford George Jackson
Namaste Cliffy - see you soon babe.

From my sick bed

Hello to all my friends,

I am sending this message to you from my sick bed. My old nemesis, pancreatitis has struck again and I am feeling really lousy today. The human is taking good care of me, but is not giving me much food which is terrible - I AM STARVING!

Now I know she is doing the right thing - no food helps my pancreas rest and reset itself, but it doesn't stop me from being hungry. I am in a lot of pain so if this post is short and reflects the less than charming side of my personality, then I apologize, but when you've walked a mile in my paws then you might be more understanding.

I know exactly why this happened. As you know the human is uber-vigilant about feeding me a pancreas friendly diet, but on Friday, I seized the opportunity to take a huge mouthful of tuna off her plate when she stupidly put her plate down to answer a phone call. She was distracted, and I was jonesing for something other than chicken and rice, so I threw caution to the wind and laid into the tuna. In my excitement I knocked the fork off the plate - she heard that and immediate realized what was going on. She ran to grab the plate from me. I knew I had just a few seconds and vacuumed as much tuna into my mouth as I could.

Of course, I did not get into trouble. The human knew it was her mistake to leave her plate where I could reach it. Plus I think she knew I would be facing the consequences of my bad choice soon enough. So, here I lie, miserable, in pain and hungry - all because of a momentary weakness - DARN THAT TUNA!

So far I am doing well enough to avoid a trip to the vet. But it will depend on how dehydrated I get. I really hope the human can help me get through this without having to go and get IV fluids.

The human says I need to rest, and for once I am going to pay attention to her. So, if you will excuse me I need to get some sleep and hopefully get through this soon.

A word of advice to all of you - don't take food off other people's plates - no matter how good it looks.

Ouch, ouch,
Clifford George Jackson

Dog days of summer

Did we just spin off our normal orbit and end up closer to the sun, or maybe on the sun? It sure is hot. So, can anyone tell me why hot summer days are referred to as the dog days of summer? My theory is that everyone pants like a dog when its so hot.

Even Ms. Cool Cat aka Olive is feeling the heat. She is spending most of the day indoors, sleeping in my bed. On Sunday morning she went for a walk with us and she was panting - no, really! Walks have been cut back because my energy evaporates in this blistering heat. I start off strong but literally fade after about a block and a half.

I hope all of you, well at least all of my US friends, had a good holiday weekend. The 4th of July - what a fun celebration! I often wonder what the original founding fathers would think of all of the way we celebrate Independence. They don't strike me as guys who knew how to have a lot of fun. Sometimes I think their hats might have been too tight!

My human went to visit J & W yesterday evening. I got to stay home - too hot for me to be out, but I did miss seeing two of my favorite humans, especially Ms. J - I think she has a crush on me! But then there are quite a few ladies smitten with The Clifford!

Post Buble concert feedback - two CDs and a concert t-shirt! So not only has the human been singing along with the Michael Buble CDs, but she is now also dancing around while she sings. Every now and again, she picks me up and makes me dance with her - OMG! Actually I blame this on Mikey (may my sainted brother rest in peace) but he loved it when the human would sing and dance and he would jump up and start prancing around and then she would pick him up and they would dance like crazy fools! So, Mikey, when I see you again - you owe me!

Well, my friends, stay cool! And if you dance, make sure no one is watching!
Clifford George J

Mikey, the dancing dog!

Hello to all my friends!

I am home again after being shipped off to the vet once again. Really, this is all just a little too much - seven trips in just over two months! Even with the special treatment I get at the vet, this is too much for me.

The human assures me she is home for a few weeks, and I hope so. I need to be able to relax and catch up on my sleep and treats. Nobody gives me more treats than my human, so I have a lot to catch up. I have also decided that when I first get home from the vet I will refuse to sleep in my dog bed. Its quite simple really - just a battle of wills and you can guess who wins! I don't really have an issue sleeping in my bed - its really comfy, but there has to be some payback for all this travel - right?

In the short time that I have been home, nothing too exciting has been happening. You know, good food, lots of treats and walks. With the hot and humid weather we've been having I find myself running out of steam on our walks. So, my goal now is to see how slowly I can walk. Its amazing just how much one can slow down. The human, in her never ending quest to make me happy, is endlessly patient with me. I can tell she would really like to scoop me up and carry me home to put an end to the walk, but she resists every time. I think I am now able to stretch a what was a twenty minute walk to a 35 minute walk! I am going for 45 minutes!

This weekend we will celebrate Independence Day. I remember from last year there were a lot of fireworks around the area. Now, you know that generally dogs despise fireworks, but this year I will not be bothered by the mini-explosion at all! This is one of the benefits of being deaf. Another will be after my human attends a Michael Buble concert tomorrow evening. You know when she gets back and for a few days after that she will be listening to Michael Buble CDs and worse still, singing along with them - YIKES! At least this time I won't have to listen!!

Well, there you have it - an update from Clifford George Jackson
Let freedom reign!

Resurfacing

Wow! I can hardly believe how much time has passed since I last posted on my blog. It was right after Mother's Day, and here it is almost Father's Day.

Well, I can give you a whole bunch of reasons for my silence but the real reason is that I have been trying to deal with some changes in my life. I am never a big fan of change anyway, but the things that have been happening have had me a little out of sorts.

As you know, I am getting up there in age, and I have been aware of some subtle changes with my body, but in the last few weeks and months it seems that instead of these changes creeping up on me, they have been executing a full on assault! So, suddenly I gone from missing the odd sound to missing all but the loudest sounds. The vet had mentioned something about cataracts on my eyes, but until recently I didn't really buy it - now I have to acknowledge that I am loosing my sight too!

All of this has been a tremendous struggle for me to accept and so as I have been trying to deal with this new found vulnerability. One of the most difficult things for me to handle is needing help from my human. I feel like the roles have been reversed and she is now my protector. It's a bitter pill to swallow.

My human has really been trying to make me feel better. She has pointed out some benefits to being deaf. We have been having lots of thunderstorms lately and I, of course, can't hear the storms, so I can sleep through the whole thing. Recently, when we were walking, we met two adorable little girls who wanted to pet me. As they were really close, I could see that they were talking in the really high pitched manner that excited little girls have - and once again, this didn't bother me, and I could stand there and soak up the attention.

The human even bought me a really cool Chinese jacket on one of her trips (I think Chicago)- its not quite the smoking jacket I wanted but its close and its really cool! Watch for photos!

So, my friends, this has been a challenging time for me, but I think its something we get to face if we are lucky enough to live a long life. And as I slowly learn to accept my frailties, I will remind myself of all the good things in my life - things like friends, and families, and FATHERS!

Happy Father's Day!
Clifford George Jackson

Post Mothers'Day Wrap

Hello all,

I am back home and the human is back from New Orleans. It seems that the oil spill in Louisiana is wreaking havoc. Did you hear that they use dog hair to assist in the clean-up? I personally never shed, but for my colleagues who leave dog hair everywhere, remember this fact the next time your human rants and raves about dog hair on their clothes!

So, yesterday was Mothers' Day or is it Mother's Day? This is an odd holiday for dogs. Very few of us remember our mothers, which makes sending a card difficult, right? Seriously though, although I don't remember my mother, I do think about her, and wonder what she was like and what kind of life she had, and what she would think about me.

It makes me a little nostalgic but it also makes me realize that biological mothers are not the only mothers we have. Aside from the obvious meaning, mother also means originator, protector, take care of someone tenderly,... When you look at it like that you realize that in the course of our lives we may well have more than one mother.

And that is probably a good thing, because sometimes we need all the mothering we can get. I watched my human yesterday and although she didn't say much about it, I could sense that she was missing her mother too. Her mother lives in a different country and like so many of us who are far from our mothers (in whatever way that might be) Mother's Day reminds us of the hollow place we have in our hearts when our mothers are not with us. My human has several people who help mother her since she is far away from her own mother, but I can tell she has a strong bond with her South African mother.

In some ways (and please don't tell her or I will have to endure being showered with kisses and being spoken to in baby talk) my human is one of the mother figures in my life, as are some of the wonderful people at the rescue organization who helped me at the worst time of my life. Sometimes I think that people who aren't your mother but step up and act as mother when you need it most, need a special holiday all of their own. I wonder what we could call that holiday?

Mothers come in all shapes and sizes, and aren't always what you are expecting, but they always seem to come through for us. So lets celebrate all our protectors, and all those who care for us with tenderness, whether we call them Mother, Mom , or anything else.

To all my mothers - thank you and I love you all
Clifford G.